I'm a Lagos boy through and through.
However, since 1991 I've been visiting Abuja, the administrative capital of Nigeria. I wouldn't have been visiting the city so much if my mother weren't a retired civil servant there.
Quite frankly, I feel unless you're a civil servant or you're dead, Abuja has little to offer you. The place is full of administrative buildings and very nice places to bury the dead.
Anyway, I've dug deep and uncovered the "little more" Abuja offers.
If you've got the itch or hots for Abuja, then here's a list of seven "businesses" that could add more zeros to your bank balance:
1. MONEY LAUNDERING
Seriously? Yup, as serious as a heart attack.
President Jonathan once quipped that in Nigeria, "the money is generated in Port Harcourt, shared in Abuja, and spent in Lagos". What he means is that the monthly federal allocation to the three tiers of government, which has made beggars of Nigeria's state governors, is dished in Abuja.
If you're good with moving looted funds around the world, then relocate to base camp in Abuja. You will be handsomely rewarded for your expertise, even if you're busted.
2. REAL ESTATE DEVELOPMENT
Hotels, housing estates, government buildings. You name it. In Abuja it's like everything is under construction except prisons, many more of which Nigeria arguably needs.
The more connected you are as a developer the bigger the contracts you'll get.
3. POLITICAL LOBBYING
Wherever you find a carcass you'll find a vulture feeding on it. So it is with politicians and lobbyists.
The number of politicians from all levels of government assembled in Abuja at any given time is huge. These people are rich pickings for astute lobbyists.
If you've got excellent persuasion skills, then you could make a killing getting paid to persuade politicians, especially legislators, to do things favorable to whoever employed you to lobby.
4. PIMPING
Abuja has a reputation of a city flush with cash, so of course the "world's oldest profession" flourishes here.
It's hard to separate money and sex.
Now, if you've got good organizational skills, you could get into events organizing in Abuja. However, from many indications, you could make more money faster by organizing hookers for legislators and top civil servants looking for a bit of home away from home.
5. CABING
I've heard people say that the way Abuja is built is not what the original design master plan called for. I've not seen the master plan but the set-up of the city is dumb.
You've got a central area of four high-affluence districts, where the minority rich live, totally surrounded by low-affluence districts where most of the city's workers live. It's like a gated community totally bounded by ghettos.
Anyway, the municipal authorities recently banned danfos from plying the central area. Naturally, this has been a boon for organized taxi cabs within the area as taxi fares have risen.
However, if you've got a car or a fleet of cars, you could get into private cabing (kabukabu) within the central area or between the central area and the outer districts. Demand for taxi is high during the peak periods - when the so-called "el-rufai" big buses are scarce or unavailable.
6. LAWYERS
Obviously, lawyers are needed everywhere. However, the administrative nature of Abuja has created huge opportunities for lawyers interested in government-related work churned by the myriad of ministries, departments, and agencies that dot the city.
Furthermore, wherever politicians and civil servants abound in Nigeria, sleaze festers. Therefore, you could make a killing getting these people out of trouble. Or even getting them into trouble.
Afterall, there is a saying that if you want to create a problem where there's none, just get a lawyer involved.
7. DRINKING JOINTS
No, I don't mean clubs and bars - there are plenty of these in the central districts. I mean the low-key, indiscreet joints found mostly in the outer districts.
Often tucked away in villages with relatively cheaper real estate, these joints look dry during the day but come alive at night. One time I spent a whole day with an uncle who lives in Kuje just hopping from one joint to another - and I don't even drink.
These joints are places where most of Abuja's workers relax and mingle. And don't think drinks are the only pleasure (or leisure) you get at these places.
If you can buy or lease land in these outer districts, then a drinking joint could get you rich faster than a residential block.
So there you have it. Abuja has not grown on me. But if you're ready to call it home, at least now you know how to hustle in the Rock City.
However, since 1991 I've been visiting Abuja, the administrative capital of Nigeria. I wouldn't have been visiting the city so much if my mother weren't a retired civil servant there.
Quite frankly, I feel unless you're a civil servant or you're dead, Abuja has little to offer you. The place is full of administrative buildings and very nice places to bury the dead.
Anyway, I've dug deep and uncovered the "little more" Abuja offers.
If you've got the itch or hots for Abuja, then here's a list of seven "businesses" that could add more zeros to your bank balance:
1. MONEY LAUNDERING
Seriously? Yup, as serious as a heart attack.
President Jonathan once quipped that in Nigeria, "the money is generated in Port Harcourt, shared in Abuja, and spent in Lagos". What he means is that the monthly federal allocation to the three tiers of government, which has made beggars of Nigeria's state governors, is dished in Abuja.
If you're good with moving looted funds around the world, then relocate to base camp in Abuja. You will be handsomely rewarded for your expertise, even if you're busted.
2. REAL ESTATE DEVELOPMENT
Hotels, housing estates, government buildings. You name it. In Abuja it's like everything is under construction except prisons, many more of which Nigeria arguably needs.
The more connected you are as a developer the bigger the contracts you'll get.
3. POLITICAL LOBBYING
Wherever you find a carcass you'll find a vulture feeding on it. So it is with politicians and lobbyists.
The number of politicians from all levels of government assembled in Abuja at any given time is huge. These people are rich pickings for astute lobbyists.
If you've got excellent persuasion skills, then you could make a killing getting paid to persuade politicians, especially legislators, to do things favorable to whoever employed you to lobby.
4. PIMPING
Abuja has a reputation of a city flush with cash, so of course the "world's oldest profession" flourishes here.
It's hard to separate money and sex.
Now, if you've got good organizational skills, you could get into events organizing in Abuja. However, from many indications, you could make more money faster by organizing hookers for legislators and top civil servants looking for a bit of home away from home.
5. CABING
I've heard people say that the way Abuja is built is not what the original design master plan called for. I've not seen the master plan but the set-up of the city is dumb.
You've got a central area of four high-affluence districts, where the minority rich live, totally surrounded by low-affluence districts where most of the city's workers live. It's like a gated community totally bounded by ghettos.
Anyway, the municipal authorities recently banned danfos from plying the central area. Naturally, this has been a boon for organized taxi cabs within the area as taxi fares have risen.
However, if you've got a car or a fleet of cars, you could get into private cabing (kabukabu) within the central area or between the central area and the outer districts. Demand for taxi is high during the peak periods - when the so-called "el-rufai" big buses are scarce or unavailable.
6. LAWYERS
Obviously, lawyers are needed everywhere. However, the administrative nature of Abuja has created huge opportunities for lawyers interested in government-related work churned by the myriad of ministries, departments, and agencies that dot the city.
Furthermore, wherever politicians and civil servants abound in Nigeria, sleaze festers. Therefore, you could make a killing getting these people out of trouble. Or even getting them into trouble.
Afterall, there is a saying that if you want to create a problem where there's none, just get a lawyer involved.
7. DRINKING JOINTS
No, I don't mean clubs and bars - there are plenty of these in the central districts. I mean the low-key, indiscreet joints found mostly in the outer districts.
Often tucked away in villages with relatively cheaper real estate, these joints look dry during the day but come alive at night. One time I spent a whole day with an uncle who lives in Kuje just hopping from one joint to another - and I don't even drink.
These joints are places where most of Abuja's workers relax and mingle. And don't think drinks are the only pleasure (or leisure) you get at these places.
If you can buy or lease land in these outer districts, then a drinking joint could get you rich faster than a residential block.
So there you have it. Abuja has not grown on me. But if you're ready to call it home, at least now you know how to hustle in the Rock City.
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